Young Arnold was a quiet boy
Who never smashed a single toy
Or answered back in manner bold
He always did what he was told

Of virtues he had very many
Of faults he really hadn’t any
And then one day upon a whim
An alien abducted him

The traveller cool and mega hip
Inveigled Arn onto his ship
A UFO like you never saw
Not even in that ID4

Oh no his teen years were not spent
As part of an experiment
Twas fashion in the rad space set
To have an earthling for a pet

So through the galaxies of stars
They drank dry with-it stylish bars;
Ate midnight mushrooms. Arnold soon
Explored the dark side of the moon

They copped a trillion speeding fines
And nuked up pan-galactic signs
Buzzed planets. And when folk got shitty
Spray painted them with rude graffiti

Now Arnold knowing right from wrong
At first when made to come along
Would stand aside with stern set face
And tell them they were a disgrace

Until one day he woke and said
I think I’m gonna shave me head
And pierce me nose and eyebrows too
And punk up with the best of you

From there he went from bad to worse
Alas that I must pen this verse
His space mates he could soon outcuss
Hooray they cried. He’s one of us

He wooed and gambled, boozed and fought
(Did lots of stuff he didn’t ought)
Long gone the manner meek and mild
Arn really was born to be wild

At last picked up by Space Control
They all got flung in a Black Hole
And in a twister the bold space roamer
Was sucked right back to Oklahoma

At home he smiled and ate his bacon
For time warp means no real time’s taken
Picked up his trains, rerailed them neatly
And forgot past wickedness completely

But when the night is dark and still
No sound of owl or whippoorwil
His eyes lit with unearthly glee
He shimmies up the pee-can tree

And dreams of distant starlit time
Plots mischief, pens a naughty rhyme
And while good folks are all abed
He paints the town a wicked red

And joins the Rogues in Upstairs revels
What a bunch of jolly devils
Don’t mess with this dude sport he yells
And pelts the world with pee-can shells