While Rogues carouse, a song I'll sing
About our once and future king
Who long ago in times of old
Was just an Okie lad I'm told
And then in manner baccanalian
He got abducted by an alien

But that's a tale from birthdays past
He managed to escape at last
Back through the Upstairs roof he crashed
And found the place imploded, trashed

Bubba's geraniums would not grow
The foaming guinness did not flow
No smiles, no booze, no tango there
The Upstairs cupboard was all bare
Raul rent his gold card in despair
And Eric euthanased his hair

'Who's left this trusty sword stuck in
The wall?' Arn asked. 'Such waste's a sin'
With mighty strength he seized the blade
The hallelujah chorus played
And all the Rogues began to shout
'Hail hail. King Arn will sort things out'

Rogues roved and raved, rejoined his court
(But Sr Mary found no port)
And Suzi sadly silent sat
With Frannie and her spinning cat

Diane and Murph at Arn's behest
Went off on a factfinding quest
Pam busted Katie out of jail
And off they went to nick the Grail
(They'd seen from some old movie replay
That it would bring big bucks on ebay)

ChrisB the Red made longboat raids
And wooed with food the Upstairs maids
But lutefisk just caused hysterica
The Vikings left Upstairs America

Michael and Sarah with vampire scariness
At full moon found the Chapel Perilous
Whom do you serve intoned the keeper?
They vamoosed fast from that grim reaper.

Let's not digress. King Arnold then
Comes back into the poem again
For strewth and stone the bloody crows
The screwed up bar got up his nose

He armoured up, o frabjous day
And clanged and clattered on his way
He had the Table Round in stitches
Astride his hawg in metal britches

'Come from the blasted heath the noo
And tell me what I needs must do
Wise Merlin'. The magician came
In howling wind and fiery flame

'Beside the sword wall grows a tree
It's fruit will set the Upstairs free
Two dragons though you must get past'
'Thanks Sport,' Arn cried and vroomed off fast

So to the pecan tree Arn came
Guarded by dragons roaring flame
The first with snickersnee he smote
Then seized the other by the throat
Extinguished both in castle moat

When he had whupped their sorry butts
He shimmied up the tree. With nuts
He pelted all the Rogues from high
They dined in style on pecan pie

The Upstairs curse was gone, it shivered
With spring time buds. Booze was delivered
And good times once again were rollin
Rogues frolicked midst the Floriade pollen

Let's raise our glasses and remember
That on this fine day in September
Our Arnie's twenty nine years old
In Roguery he gets the gold