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Howdy folks !!!!!!
Our Intelligence Sources reported to Space Central that
the Rogues were going to have a party for ARNIE
So the Force ordered instant invasion
of Planet Earth so we aliens could gate crash such a cosmic
event!!! And here we are to help you all celebrate. I'm your
DJ - name's Purp- short for Purple People Eater. But don't
sweat that- I am your friend (wink).
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Sure, it seems easy being a space alien.
You've got your x-ray vision,your late model space ships and media
coverage galore. But, as usual with most glamor jobs, there's
a lot of nitty gritty work the public doesn't get to see. The
job can become routine, and even a bit tedious....
(Purp takes out his diary, puts on his
specs, reads....)
A SPACE ALIEN'S DATE BOOK
8:15 A.M. Leave asteroid for work.
9:00 A.M. Hover over cornfield on outskirts of small Midwestern
town.
9:30 A.M. Land in backyard where housewife is hanging laundry.
Silence barking dog with penetrating gaze.
10:00 A.M. Stun housewife with laser-gun or energy pulsating finger-
tips. Levitate her body just long enough to be glimpsed by a passing
motorist. Materialize the body inside spaceship. Remove internal
organs; weigh, label and categorize. Return most, if not all, to
the body. Erase all traces of surgery. Rematerialize housewife in
backyard. Turn back time two hours. Bid enigmatic good-bye. Leave.
1:00 P.M. Visit once prestigious astronomer who everyone thinks
has gone mad. Deliver pep talk. Leave him fist-sized fragments of
an unidentifiable element.
2:15 P.M. Drop by Whitley Strieber's house, pick up royalty check
from best seller. Communion.
3:00 P.M. Hover over southwestern desert.
3:30 P.M. Offer psychotic drifter a lift.
4:30 P.M. Pose for cover of "Weekly World News" with the President.
Discuss ozone depletion, space travel, future political endorsements.
6:30 P.M. Back at the asteroid. Introduce psychotic drifter to other
aliens. Listen to Windham Hill.
9:00 P.M. Dinner. Eat drifter.
10:00 P.M. Wash antennae, brush eyeballs, peel off outer layer of
skin.
Beam cryptic message to NASA satellite. Lights out.
(Not sure of the original
source of this - but thanks whoever!!!)
